His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
