I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
