can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
