Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
