Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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