a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
that is very illegal...i love you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
