normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
