so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
