Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
