my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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