I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
