please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
