guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
