even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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