He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
