Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
