She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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