So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
