Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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