Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
