...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
