god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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