i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
