college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Drake has all the answers
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
