so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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