It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
