My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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