I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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