morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
