I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
