Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
