someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
did you just send me my own nude
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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