I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
