Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
