I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
