dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
