I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
