So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
