TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
