$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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