Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
