so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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