you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
