it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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