Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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