I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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