u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
