I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
