I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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