the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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