I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
